narrative.

Embroiled and battling my own small drama, I heard of another family drama at Lauren’s elementary school. All the parents were saying that Donna Wilson finally left Bridger. They were married for over twelve years, and they had two young children. The eldest, Jessica, was in the same grade as Lauren, fifth. Alexander was a year behind her.

I never fit in with the parents in Lauren’s class. It felt like high school all over again, with all of these cliques of moms. There were the “superior” moms who didn’t work who lorded over us working moms, organizing class parties that we couldn’t usually attend. The stay-at-home moms also arranged playdates after-school that Lauren wasn’t a part of, because I had to work and she was in the after-school program. The after-school program, according to the superior moms, was a breeding ground for lice and bad behavior.

Donna was one of those stay-at-home moms. She was gorgeous, blond and slim with short hair. She always looked like a model - her beautiful clothes were perfectly accessorized, and her short hair  was always expertly coiffed. She was married to Bridger, a sales executive, and they lived in one of the biggest two-story houses in our part of San Mateo. Their king-sized house with its manicured front yard just a few blocks away, in stark contrast to the tiny apartment we lived in, that had no front yard, just a lawn that was common area, was just one example of our different social standings within the community.

Donna’s husband Bridger was a big personality. He liked to show off a bit, like underwriting the cost for the entire grade to attend a San Francisco Symphony performance in San Francisco. And then there was his other side. From my outsider’s perspective, Bridger wasn’t kind to Donna in public, but what did I really know about their relationship? Or either of them? I wondered if they had an understanding or if she ever got tired of the way he seemed to enjoy letting everyone know that she wasn’t nearly as smart nor as competent as he was. Since she packed up the kids and left one Friday afternoon for good while she had Bridger served with divorce papers, I had to assume, as we all did, that she was fed up.

While I was sorry for the demise of the Wilson’s marriage, selfishly I was relieved about the one aspect of this showstopper that related to me. I felt like I was no longer the one everyone stared at. It was finally time for the San Mateo gossip circle to move past the drama of me not getting married and having a baby solo and on to the more enticing car crash of the Wilson’s divorce.

In mid-January, about a year after the news broke of their separation, I ran into Bridger at school, where we had a few minutes to ourselves.

“Hi Bridger, how are you?” I asked him. Since we rarely spoke and I barely knew him, it was bold of me to confront him.

“Hi Annie, and what do you mean how am I?” he countered.

“I mean, after Donna left. I’ve been worried about you. Are you ok?” I asked him again. I was genuinely concerned. He had lost about 40 pounds the first month she left, and he looked gaunt and his face drawn, even a year later.

We started talking on the phone and within a few days, we were seeing each other. We lived less than a quarter mile apart and our kids were in school together, so there was plenty of opportunity to hang out. And hang out we did. We drank gin and tonics at his big two-story house while our kids played in the perfectly decorated bedrooms of his house, or outside in their spacious backyard. When our kids weren’t with us, we did grown-up things. We cooked dinner together, drank more gin and tonics, and went to dive bars in San Francisco, dancing until 1 or 2 in the morning. Bridger was a lot of fun. He was too much for me and I knew that early on, but I still reveled in being noticed, being a little in love, and being next to a man again.

That Bridger and I were spending time together didn’t go unnoticed by Donna. She found out about it through gossip channels that I was not a part of. She responded swiftly, as some women do, by freezing me out. She literally never acknowledged me again. I found out that soon after she broke up with Bridger, she got a DUI, driving back from the East Bay one evening after visiting her mother and sister. She used my former lawyer, Joe Benning, to help her get a reduced sentence. I had recommended Joe to her months ago, before I started dating her soon to be ex-husband. I only knew that she hired Joe from Bridger, as she never mentioned it to me. Some of her actions were entertaining to me, I mean, she kicked him to the curb and then she was angry with me for dating him? I really didn’t care what she thought. I was too busy with Bridger.

Bridger and Donna’s divorce did not go swimmingly, either. They both hired lawyers, and there were several court dates and arguments over child custody. They had issues that we didn’t have, like dividing up assets. I always admired one thing about how Bridger handled it, he never brought up Donna’s DUI in court. He didn’t want to humiliate her or risk negatively affecting their future coparenting relationship. I wasn’t so lucky. Anything that Scott could dredge up, could find or fabricate to use against me, he did. I was beginning to believe he would never stop.

Bridger was the first man I had dated since Scott that I felt love for. I knew we would never get married or have a long-term future together because I couldn’t keep up with his intellect or his intensity, but we had a solid connection and we made the most of every moment we had, sharing deep conversations that lasted for hours. I healed from the disaster of Scott. I felt connected to a man who loved me. I felt valued and finally had something – and someone - to look forward to. Being with Bridger was a huge forward step for me. I felt like a human being again.

Eventually, after a year of dating, Bridger’s big personality was too much for me. I didn’t have the energy or the relationship savvy to manage him when he got to acting like a bigshot. Another, more sophisticated woman with more moxie could love him and put him in his place when he needed it. I always knew, even at the beginning, that wasn’t me. So eventually we drifted apart, and went back to being what we had been before – just neighbors, just parents whose children went to the same school.

Ashley’s first overnight visit with Scott was January 8. I had asked Mr. Chester to postpone the overnight visits, and he said no. I knew I had options. I could refuse to take her to the meetup place so that the overnight visit wouldn’t happen. I considered this. Sometimes I fantasized about driving away with her and never coming back.

But I had my job here, and Lauren, and my family. As attractive as it seemed to run away, I was too practical. I would never do that. I got her ready for the overnight. I was supposed to meet Scott at 4:00pm. She would be back at 8:00am on Sunday, the next day. After four of these visits, the time was scheduled to increase by two hours. In eight months, when she was almost two years old, she’d be spending a full 24 hours with Scott every other week.

I bathed her, I dressed her in her cutest outfit, a soft yellow shirt, light blue overalls, and heart socks. She was clean and soft and I thought she was the most beautiful toddler I had ever seen. I packed a small cooler with few bottles of breastmilk. I brought her favorite stuffed animal and her coziest blanket. I packed a change of clothes, pajamas, and some diapers. I took my camera so I could take a photo of her going with her dad for her first overnight. I had everything organized and ready. I thought that if I had an absolutely positive attitude about this first overnight, she would too. It would be ok. I would make it ok.

Once we were in the parking lot and it was time for her to go with Scott, she started crying. She was struggling in Scott’s arms, lurching to get back to me. I tried to get them both to smile and I took a few photos of the two of them. The quick photo session didn’t well, despite my efforts. It was a distressing and miserable few minutes. When I got the photos back from the developer a week later, they were even worse than I had remembered. Scott looked menacing and Ashley was bawling her eyes out. I drove home and felt empty and sad the whole drive back. I knew that I did what I had to do. I didn’t get in the way of this first overnight. I did everything I reasonably could to make it work. I forgave myself.

I couldn’t wait to see Ashley again the next morning. I watched the kitchen clock the entire evening and I counted the hours until my baby was back in my arms.

The next hurdle for me was the South Carolina trip. I had two overnights with Ashley away from me under my belt by then. My plan was to sleep more while she was away, and that calmed me down. That and the realization that I wasn’t the parent taking a very young child on a very long flight. I really didn’t want to fly with a toddler. I focused on this fact.

As it turned out, Ashley and Scott travelled well together on their trip to South Carolina. Although she seemed surprised to see me, Ashley leapt into my arms at the end of the trip. She breastfed right away and settled right back into the routine of our household. It was easier than I thought to have her gone for a couple of days. I didn’t have to travel with her which would have been exhausting for me. I was glad their trip was behind me and I didn’t worry about it any longer. It wasn’t as daunting as I had anticipated.

I hoped that most of the problems between Scott and me would be over now. Mr. Chester dealt with a lot of the issues that we had been grappling with, and now I expected a period of calm.

What happened instead was as far away from calm as you could get. Intense, relentless, and numerous emails from Scott kept coming at me. There were constant small complaints from Scott, like I was four minutes late for an exchange. Four minutes! Another complaint was seven minutes late. Another one – two minutes later. Once I was early and sure enough, that was enough of a problem to send an email, too. I often received ten emails from Scott in a single day. The pace of his complaining was exhausting. In just a few months, on March 19, 2009, Mr. Chester wrote an email detailing six issues, which were: Mother’s potential move, phone calls, timely drop offs, coparent counseling, objectives to Chester, and his resignation. This time Mr. Chester didn’t issue orders. He just stated his position on the topics we had brought to him.

I was very aware of how much Scott’s complaints were costing. Mr. Chester was accessible but very expensive. Getting an email from Mr. Chester explaining his opinions on these issues was better than orders that were inflexible. Still, it was expensive to read his opinions in writing. I worried each day about the cost of Mr. Chester. It was money I didn’t have.

Some months ago, I told Scott, which was a complete mistake on my part, that I wanted to move closer to my mother. Her health was declining. She lived forty miles south of me and Scott lived north of me, so she was in the opposite direction from his house. Scott hadn’t forgotten this. He kept pressing the “move away” issue. It wasn’t really a move away issue, because I hadn’t formally petitioned the court, or Mr. Chester, to move away. I hadn’t stated in any realistic terms that I would be moving away. I didn’t have concrete plans to rent or buy a place close to my mom’s house. I said it once and now I continued to pay for it.

Scott clearly wasn’t satisfied with Mr. Chester’s response to the “move away” issue because he filed a motion with San Mateo Superior Court, Family Law Division, on April 13, 2009. He listed many reasons why I shouldn’t be allowed to move away, including that the move would be south of where he lives, that it would interfere with his time with Ashley, and that Ashley’s pediatrician is north of where I live, which was a problem for Ashley’s continued care with him, too. He also requested another modification of custodial time, giving him more time with Ashley, immediately.

I received a copy of these papers from Scott and I was puzzled. We had a Special Master that we’d given over the right to make judicial decisions for us, so that we didn’t have to go to court. Scott wrote in his filing that Mr. Chester wasn’t stopping this move away and so he was “forced” to ask the court for help.

I had an email exchange with Mr. Chester on the moveaway topic. He, too, was puzzled. As he responded to me and to Scott, I was intently aware that I was paying for half of his time for this crazy issue, too, which really irked me. Scott’s motion was scheduled to be heard in Rick Moreau’s courtroom on June 1, 2009. A few days after Scott’s filing Scott and I both received a notice from the court. It was a ‘Recusal of Judge for all purposes, order vacating trial date and assignment of new judicial officer for all purposes.’ In other words, it was the official notice that we wouldn’t be assigned Commissioner Moreau anymore and our case would be assigned to another Judge or Commissioner.

A few days later, we received another notice from the court. It was a Notice of Assignment for All Purposes (Family Law). It assigned us to Commissioner Viera for all Family Law purposes. We wouldn’t see Commissioner Greens or Judge Freedman in court anymore. We wouldn’t be scheduled for Commissioner Morea’s courtroom either. We were assigned to Commissioner Viera for everything in Family Law that had to do with Ashley. That was not great for me, and then I was kind of glad we had Mr. Chester in place. Gave me a little perspective. A reminder that things had been and could be worse.

After several discussions between Mr. Chester, Scott, and me over email, Scott sent a letter to the court cancelling the hearing on the move away issue. Mr. Chester assured me that it wouldn’t be heard in court, anyway, since a Special Master was in place, but just in case, Mr. Chester sent the court a letter reminding them that he was place and had the authority to make decisions in our case. I sent a letter to the court stating the same facts. I didn’t go to court. There was no follow up by the court, by Scott, or by the Special Master so this issue was over.

The move away issue was a relatively fun diversion, compared to the other issues that were brewing. Before long, Mr. Chester issued another order.

-11-

Recommendation and Order of Special Master dated June 28, 2009

Issue # 1 – Mother has asked for the exchanges of Ashley to be at the Family Visitation Center (FVC). One visit per week will now occur at the FVC. The others won’t because the FVC is closed during the other visitation times. Mother is warned that if she wants to use a place like the FVC for the rest of the visits, she may have to transport Ashley to San Francisco, where a FVC in San Francisco is open during those hours.

Issue #2 – Mother cancelled a visit in early June because Ashley was sick and there was a disagreement on rescheduling the visit. Father wanted to tack on the 3 hours to an extended July 4th holiday visit while Mother thought that is too much and wanted it to be at another time. Mr. Chester ordered that it would be added to the extended July 4th visit.

These continued issues of me cancelling visits, well, really postponing them, when Ashley was sick were a major trigger for Scott. I had dealt with Scott’s fury at these changes for many months as Ashley was sick with colds and asthma seemingly constantly. I was getting used to the fact that Scott was so inflexible about any potential modification that I communicated. His inflexibility was foreign to me. The Scott I dated was the easygoing traveler who went with the flow. A sudden thunderstorm in the Sierra Nevadas, a last minute change of flights, a weekend roadtrip conceived and begun within minutes. That was Scott. Now, as if to combat me, he demanded extreme rigidity. An exact schedule. Tantrums were thrown when plans changed, even slightly. I could hardly reconcile his new expectations with the Scott I had known. He was reversing our long-established roles, now he insisted I was the rogue, fly-by-night parent.

Having Mr. Chester in place meant that Scott didn’t talk to me about schedule changes directly anymore. He went straight to Mr. Chester. That cost me 50% of Mr. Chester’s hourly rate, but there wasn’t much I could do to stop it. Having Scott bypass me on the discussions when Ashley was sick was annoying, and dealing with the rescheduling of visits was tiring, because Scott would send two or three paragraphs of complaints to me with each time change he proposed. Still, the biggest issue for me, by far, was the constant push of the expansion of Ashley’s time with Scott.

A new issue that arose was the financial accounting that took place between Scott and me. The constant battle of splitting certain costs associated with Ashley had begun, and it would plague me for the duration of our coparenting relationship. I paid for day care and then Scott reimbursed me for half of the day care costs after I provided him with receipts from the provider and proof of my payment. Same with medical care and dental care. That meant receipts need to be copied and sent to Scott regularly, within 30 days of the date of service. Then he had 30 days to reimburse me. In those days, before everyone had a cell phone with a camera, I took physical receipts to a copier, made copies, and gave the paper copies to Scott. In return, Scott gave me physical checks. The check was often a few dollars to a few hundred dollars short. What Scott didn’t reimburse each time would require follow up on my end to recalculate what he didn’t reimburse. I would need to try to understand why it wasn’t paid, and then email Scott to communicate the shortfall in an effort to get the entire bill reimbursed. Since I was always low on money, I was anxious to get money owed from Scott. These reimbursements were time consuming and bitter work, for both of us.

In August I started to have trouble paying half of Mr. Chester’s bills. It was actually kind of an amazing feat that a single mom of two on a salary that I made had been able to pay his bill entirely each month up until then. I had cut our discretionary spending to the core, while trying not to deprive the children of anything important. Scott brought up every single issue, real or imagined, small or large, to Mr. Chester, and it was quickly depleting me financially. Every email Scott sent Mr. Chester was at least read, and billed for being read, and it was billed to both us, and split fifty fifty. It was costing me a small fortune. I tried to get Scott to resolve things with me first, but he was not at all interested. He made almost twice as much money as I did, and had savings, retirement, and other assets, so it was easier for him to pay Mr. Chester’s fees. This brought up another inequity: I was hesitant to bring up issues with Mr. Chester because I knew how expensive they would be. Scott didn’t hesitate to bring up the smallest complaint.

Towards the end of the year I began asking Mr. Chester to come off of our case because I couldn’t afford to pay him. Scott took the opposite position and wrote that he would not be able to have a relationship with Ashley if Mr. Chester wasn’t in place. I had come to believe that having a Special Master, and having Scott having daily access to this private judge, was not actually the best choice for us. This arrangement had its advantages, for sure, like not having to file motions, not going to court, not waiting for a court date, and not dealing with Commissioner Viera. But on the other hand, having Mr. Chester in place was too easy for Scott to constantly communicate lots of issues to him, even requesting constant confirmations of existing orders, because he was “worried” that I wouldn’t follow them. I tried to use Mr. Chester as infrequently as possible, which I was concerned made me look as if there weren’t any issues that needed to be addressed on my end. There were. I just couldn’t get a word in most days, much less afford it.

This financial inequity was not our only imbalance. Our differences in style were marked. Scott could be loud, direct, and quite forceful. I was more timid and less confrontational. Scott sent an email to Mr. Chester if I arrived two minutes late to drop off Ashley. If Scott was two minutes late, I didn’t find it problematic and never mentioned it to Scott or to Mr. Chester.

-12-

Recommendation and Order of Special Master dated October 20, 2009

1.       Father’s alternate weekend visits were expanded by four hours, from 2:00pm on Saturday to 6:00pm on Sunday, beginning September Nov 12, 2009.

2.       Father’s alternate weekend visits will be expanded by an additional four hours, from 10:00am on Saturday to 6:00pm on Sunday, beginning Dec 4, 2009.

3.       Father’s alternate weekend visits with Ashley will be expanded by an additional four hours, effective Feb 25, 2010. The exact times will be determined by the Special Master after discussion with the parties.

I was feeling better than expected with this expansion of Scott’s time with Ashley. It felt like I had enough notice to get used to it. Ashley was two years old and she could talk, walk, and feed herself. She was only breast fed in the mornings. These were orders I could live with. If I had been tasked with increasing Scott’s time with Ashley, I would have done it faster. Mr. Chester was even more conservative than I was.

On Oct 28, 2009, I was laid off from work. I was expecting it, there had been an annual layoff at my company for a few years now, and I knew this year was my turn. Still, it was unsettling to hear the words from my manager and the human resources specialist across the table from me in the stark conference room. I could see the Security manager pacing in the hallway in front of the conference room door, just in case. Just in case I lost my grip on reality and starting throttling the kind human resources specialist or screaming obscenities at everyone in the office. Or worst case scenario, that I had a weapon or explosives. Didn’t I wish that this was actually the worst thing that had happened to me in the six years that I had been working there? I had been through so much worse.

 I received 3 months’ severance pay. I knew I needed to find another job as soon as possible.

I got home at 2:00 after receiving my last check, the non-disclosure agreement to sign to receive my severance pay, and the COBRA information from the Human Resources department. After having a massive cry, I was able to pick up the kids. I picked up Lauren right from dismissal, which she always loved, and then we went to get Ashley from day care. The kids were both excited about Halloween. Lauren was dressing up as a black cat and Ashley was a grey mouse with a pink tail and pink ears. They were a super cute Halloween pair and I wasn’t going to let my job termination ruin Halloween for them. We went out trick or treating on Halloween evening and had a wonderful time. Lauren was a proud big sister and Ashley ate every piece of candy I would let her eat. They both had energy to trick or treat for almost two hours. This was what I existed for – to create fun times for my children. Despite the challenges of the week, I did just that. I went to sleep feeling very tired, and feeling like the day was a success. My job loss had not tarnished it. The kids were happy. That was what mattered.

I asked Mr. Chester to resign again. Now that I wasn’t working, I absolutely couldn’t pay him anymore. Mr. Chester politely said no, he wouldn’t resign. I had paid him $4000 already that year, and so had Scott. But although we were equal in each paying him 50% of his fees, our income and assets were not similar at all. Scott owned a house, made almost double my salary, and had over a million dollars in his 401k account. Financially, I just barely paid rent each month and had enough leftover to pay for child-care and food. Assets and savings? Zero. We were getting by, but just barely. I was extremely careful not to overspend. I stayed within my budget, foregoing vacations and luxuries. I had never had a pedicure or a massage. We didn’t go on vacations most years. Eating at a restaurant was a rare treat. I had no financial assets at all to fall back on, and now I was unemployed.

To cut costs during my unemployment, Ashley began attending daycare two days a week instead of five. Lauren’s before and after-school care were eliminated for the short-term.

I petitioned the court to remove the Special Master on November 9, 2009. Going to San Mateo Superior Court on this date was memorable. It resembled a circus. There were tents all around the courthouse, filled with newsreporters and cameras. Hundreds of people were milling around the entrance, picketers were holding their signs. They were all waiting for the Scott Peterson murder trial to be over, and the verdict to be announced. After I entered the court building I got into the elevator, and Mark Geragos, Scott Peterson’s attorney, got in right after me and stood next to me. I recognized him from the news. In person he was confident and focused, and he wore a lot of make-up.

In my motion, I cited that I wanted Mr. Chester removed because due to my unemployment, I couldn’t afford to pay him. I wasn’t completely at ease asking for Mr. Chester to be removed. I genuinely liked Mr. Chester as a person. As a Special Master, I felt that he treated both Scott and me kindly and respectfully. His orders were not harsh. He seemed to understand that I adored Ashley and wanted stability for her. He took Ashley’s young age and our close bond into account as he made his orders. If money were not an issue, I wouldn’t have petitioned the court to have Mr. Chester removed.

The high cost was the biggest problem of having a Special Master, but not the only one. The process was painful. Dealing with a Special Master was not a lighthearted, happy activity. Each email I received from Mr. Chester had a heaviness to it. Many times, when he didn’t agree with my position, even when I could see my position was a flailing one, I felt wronged all over again. Emotionally I would start another cycle of obsessing about the issue or his response, not sleeping, and barely eating. This process was more difficult than I had expected. When I thought about the future, specifically about Ashley going with her dad half of the time, which is where Scott kept insisting that we need to be headed, I felt sick inside. I couldn’t bear it.

In late November a man I had dated briefly surprised me by approaching me in the parking lot of my apartment complex. He handed me a check for $24,000. We had broken up a few weeks before. While we were dating he had become attached to Ashley, like he had gotten an opportunity to be a substitute father for a couple of months. “It’s for Ashley,” he told me, as he pushed the check into my hands. “You said you wanted to take a year off to be with her and it would take $2,000 a month. So here is the money to spend a year with her.” I was shaking with gratitude and disbelief. His gift allowed me to take almost a year off of work. I didn’t know it at the moment, but that money would ease the burden of Scott’s time expansion because I felt that I finally had enough time to spend with Ashley. His gift restored my faith in how loving and kind people can be, which I had started to lose of late.

On November 16, 2009, Scott responded to my motion to remove the Special Master. His response was lengthy, and a lengthy response turned out to be one of Scott’s silver bullets. He attached seven emails from me and from Mr. Chester. He also wrote an eight-page document, listing reasons that the Special Master should remain in place.

Meanwhile Mr. Chester was still our Special Master, despite my protest, and he continued doing his work. We received an order from him with his decisions on many issues, no doubt spurred, in part, by my recent motion and Scott’s response to it.

-13- 

Recommendation and Order from Special Master dated November 19, 2009

Mr. Chester wrote a lengthy ten-page order, with sections that detailed both parents’ position and then his recommendation and order for each issue.

1.       Father’s Christmas trip with Ashley, which the parents did agree to. It was supposed to be a five-day trip, yet father has booked it for six days, and he is due to be back at 12:00midnight, with a return time of approximately 2:00am to mother. The order states that Mother gets to decide if Ashley will return at 2:00am or any later time that Mother will select. And, because Father has additional time with Ashley as part of this trip, his mid-week visits between now and December 25 are cancelled.

2.       Telephone contact when either party travels with Ashley, or when either party is away from Ashley for seven days or more.

2.1 Whenever Father travels with Ashley, Father shall place two telephone calls to Mother or to a third party designated by Mother, as Mother may direct: one confirming that Ashley has arrived safely, and another confirming that Ashley has returned safely. Such information may be given to the recipient directly or via a telephone voice message.

2.2 Whenever Mother travels with Ashley, Father shall receive two telephone calls from Mother or a third party designated by Mother, as Mother may direct: one confirming that Ashley has arrived safely, and another confirming that Ashley has returned safely. Such information may be given to Father directly or via a telephone voice message.

2.3 Whenever either party travels with Ashley, the non-traveling party shall be given Ashley’s flight itinerary at least 30 days in advance, or if that is not possible, then as far in advance as possible.

2.4 Whenever Father is away from Ashley for seven consecutive days or more, whether for travel or any other reason, Father shall make or receive one telephone call during each week, at a designated time, for him to briefly inquire about Ashley and speak to Ashley. If Mother does not place or receive this call herself, then Mother shall be responsible to make arrangements for that call in a manner reasonably satisfactory to Father.

2.5 Whenever Mother is away from Ashley for seven consecutive days or more, whether for travel or any other reason, Mother shall make or receive one telephone call every other day, at designated times, for Mother to briefly inquire about Ashley and speak to Ashley. However, unless Father agrees otherwise, such calls shall be made by or to Father, not a third party. Thus, if Mother is not willing for Father to make or receive any such call, then Father may elect that such call not occur.

2.6 Notwithstanding the foregoing, however, for Father’s aforesaid Christmas trip, (i) Father shall make the two telephone calls described in paragraph 2.1 (unless Mother directs that Father  not telephone her upon his return at 11:50p.m. on December 30) and (ii) Mother shall be entitled to make or receive telephone calls on December 27 and December 29, 2009,  at designated times, to briefly inquire about Ashley and speak to Ashley directly, as long as such calls are made or received directly by Father (unless Father agrees to an alternate arrangement), or if this is not acceptable to Mother, then Father shall instead telephone “Dan” on such dates to indicate that “Ashley is ok.”

2.7 In any event, whenever either party has any information concerning Ashley’s well-being that should reasonably to expected to be given to the other party, as Ashley’s parent, the additional information shall be given directly from one parent to the other, and shall not be given by a third party.

This order, while very thorough and well written by Mr. Chester, was the first order that started to become difficult to use in our daily lives. It was so detailed and had so many contingencies that immediately Scott and I had some difficulty interpreting it. If we only ever had one order that was this detailed, we could probably have dealt with it. But as we moved on with different judges and other professionals weighing in on what they thought was right, no one ever went back and formally superseded past orders. So which order was still valid? Sometimes parts of orders were still valid, and at the same time, new orders superseded parts of other ones. More orders were written that became difficult to interpret, as they started criss-crossing each other. It became a tangled mess.

At one point I thought about creating a spreadsheet with all of the orders that had been written in our case, in an attempt to keep track of which ones were still active and which ones had been superseded. But I never did. It would have been time-consuming, taking time away from the kids. I didn’t want my life to be going in this direction. I wanted to move my life away from what happened in court and away from dealing with Scott.

Scott’s hot spot was me “cancelling” Ashley’s visits. It didn’t happen very often but when Ashley was feverish, or had a bout of asthma, I would ask Scott to reschedule his visit. This never, ever went over well. I thought it was better for Ashley to be home with me instead of out with Scott when she was sick. You know how sick kids go right to sleep after you pick them up from day care? That’s what Ashley would be able to do when I postponed Scott’s visit. But Scott didn’t see it this way. He saw it as a violation against his time with Ashley. This “cancellation” as he called it (I called it a need to reschedule) occurred in less than 5% of Scott’s visits. Every other month or so, on average. Not often. But he whined about this to Mr. Chester and in his court filings, and to me, like it was a weekly occurrence. The frequency of Ashley getting sick wasn’t impactful and neither was my reasoning for rescheduling. What was impactful was Scott’s powerful protests against it. He never let it go.

Mr. Chester had jurisdiction over almost everything in our child custody case, like timeshare, how the transitions were handled, day care and even babysitters. One thing that he could not decide, and it was the same with any Special Master, was calculations of child support. A modification of child support would have to be heard in court. I filed a motion asking for the child support to be recalculated because I was no longer working. As long as I was filing a motion, I asked for Mr. Chester to be removed, too, because I couldn’t afford to pay him.

-14-

December 6, 2009 was the date of a court hearing for a motion I filed on November 9, 2009 asking for a modification of child support.

Commissioner Christine Viera heard the case.

Scott and I appeared in pro per.

My requests to have child support recalculated due to my unemployment and to remove our Special Master because I could not afford it were swiftly denied.

I had better luck complaining about my financial plight to Mr. Chester. I felt my financial situation was spiraling out of control. He saw the money I owed him increasing. He agreed to resign in early January. I was already having a tough time paying him and now being unemployed I had even fewer resources to cover his fees. I was determined to do everything I could to keep our family afloat, financially, knowing my options were limited. I felt very alone in my plight.

-15-

Recommendation and Order Re: Resignation of Special Master on December 28, 2009

Mr. Chester resigned due to my inability to pay and recommended that no Special Master be appointed in his place. His resignation was effective Jan 31, 2010.

Mr. Chester was both a skilled Special Master and a kind man. He agreed to let me pay $200 a month until my entire bill was paid off. Every month for over two years I sent a check without fail until I had paid him every dollar I owed.